I stopped writing when I was sick over the summer and mu Muse won't come home now. I have some hope that if I just start writing about it she will come back. Without my Muse my writing is flat and without a real voice or anything to say. It's just me sitting here writing the nonsense in my head.. or is that what I always do??
My main battle right now is still the addiction of my daughter. I went through another time of her being in jail, this time for thirty days, and went through the pain of seeing her off of drugs and clear while in there and then back to her being on drugs and losing the bloom she was getting even in jail from being off of drugs. I wish I had the magic to just make this nightmare end. Only she holds that wand and I'm not sure even she can wave it the right way any more. If she had a magic wand she would likely just create more heroin with it right now. It totally mystifies me that she and women like her can and do choose drugs over their own children. Her daughters are growing up without a mother and she without them and the oldest is twelve and very, very, hurt and bitter. The oldest lives in Florida and the younger two in Minnesota so I can't even see them either right now. I do talk to all of them on the phone whenever I can and it all just breaks my heart. I could go on a spree of busting all of the drug dealers I know of but it's done no good in the past and will just likely get me killed someday.
I'm depressing. No wonder my muse is hiding. If anyone sees her please send her please send her home and I will try to be more upbeat!!!!!
My main battle right now is still the addiction of my daughter. I went through another time of her being in jail, this time for thirty days, and went through the pain of seeing her off of drugs and clear while in there and then back to her being on drugs and losing the bloom she was getting even in jail from being off of drugs. I wish I had the magic to just make this nightmare end. Only she holds that wand and I'm not sure even she can wave it the right way any more. If she had a magic wand she would likely just create more heroin with it right now. It totally mystifies me that she and women like her can and do choose drugs over their own children. Her daughters are growing up without a mother and she without them and the oldest is twelve and very, very, hurt and bitter. The oldest lives in Florida and the younger two in Minnesota so I can't even see them either right now. I do talk to all of them on the phone whenever I can and it all just breaks my heart. I could go on a spree of busting all of the drug dealers I know of but it's done no good in the past and will just likely get me killed someday.
I'm depressing. No wonder my muse is hiding. If anyone sees her please send her please send her home and I will try to be more upbeat!!!!!
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