Different People

Does everyone of an age look back at all the different people they have been? I see so many multiple me's,  some times several at once, and I don't mean the classic multiple personality disorder. Although it might be some kind of disorder.  Some are related to the age I was, some are connected to who I was with and what circumstances I was in. Some are just baffling.

I definitely had a talent for blending in wherever I was. But I think it was sometimes more than that.

I used to become a person I was reading about, I thought everyone did, but maybe not? You could describe it as an actor "staying in character" to an extreme degree. Even as a child, I often wanted to be the people I read about that I admired  and would try to act like them. In my teens I started Becoming them. Talk as they talked, think as they thought, act and react like them. I read a Lot, had a huge store of people to Be. 

It all sounds trite now but it was very real and created a very confusing life. I was very religious and very immoral. I was very caring and extremely careless. Yin yang. It was chaos at best for me and everyone around me. 

Now I am simply an old woman. The same dull person day after day. I think I look at my past with more shame than pride. I did not expect that. Whoever I was, I was confident that I at least served the Greater Good. 

This makes no sense,  why can I never even Express myself anymore??