I never really planned for Old Age. I don't think I expected to live to 40. In surprised to be alive and surprised to end up so alone. I only have family in my life. They are plenty and wonderful but I do feel the absence of having friends. I've always pitied Jeremy's lack of friends and now I am the same. I suppose we are friends to each other. Mostly terrible friends. Definitely love/hate friends.
Jenny was my last Real Friend and I was the one who brutally ended that. Maybe my isolation is my karma. And maybe I should do something to change this situation. I get up and do what has to be done for the day and then just want to check out, sleep, zone out, ignore the nothingness. Rinse repeat. Day after day passing in a blur.
Useless. That's the feeling.
I don't like it. But I don't feel like I'm Done Living.
